hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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