I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
