Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
