Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said āstroke.ā
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Iām torn. Sheās crazy - like legitimately āWear your skin as a suitā crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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