By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
MIDGETS
????
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
