bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
