If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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