yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
