I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
