I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
