I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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