Please, let me fuck your mom
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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