so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
