Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You are the jesus of drinking
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
where are my eyebrows?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
