I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
