He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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