READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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