You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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