the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The best revenge is premature balding
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
