it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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