saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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