some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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