We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
