Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
