YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just threw up on my dentist
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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