I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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