When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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