I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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