Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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