It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
