Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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