Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
don't judge my taste in strippers
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
