This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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