Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
