i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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