So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
