dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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