"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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