i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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