she kept yelling 'call me bella'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
