I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
