apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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