i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
worst night to have a conscience
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
NoShamevember. You game?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
