so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
someone owes me an orgasm
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
