Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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