well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We need a shit load of segways right now
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
