you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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