What tipped you off? The sombrero?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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