I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
