i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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