Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
