I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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