Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
