Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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