Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
