just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
